Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Gypsy Sapphire

Gypsy Sapphire

Jason is off again in San Mateo working for Visa. He's been there for weeks now. They love him and he's brilliant at what he does. I've been able to travel with him for some of the trips, which has given me some time with him. But... I miss him. I want him to come home and be home. My heart misses him a lot. This has been over three years. I'm actually doing okay, I just feel a place in my heart that has essentially blocked him out because there is too much pain having him be gone. He's not available normally by phone either. I may not hear from him for 3 or 4 days at a time. Yet, when he is home he is loving and attentive. I know that he loves me. I am just not sure if I am doing okay with him being gone. I'd like to say I am, and sometimes, I am. Today, I'm not, this weekend, I wasn't. This too shall pass into the history that is the last few years and I will find myself again, my strength, my independence and my love of the life that I do have outside of him. For now, I am grieving but this shall make me stronger.

I am at the end of the classwork part of my program. While I have another year til I graduate I am nearing the end of a significant part of the program. This class I am in right now has been less than interesting. It could be that I am SO ready to be graduated. It could also be that the class is just that pointless. Usually Cecilia's classes are the bomb. This term just feels like a big fat nothing. I have to do my practicum 2 class which is finished except for the class time. I will fill out the paperwork and for all that effort I get a PASS! I think I am definitely motivated by grades. Yes, I have the mentality of an 8 year old when it comes to grades! "Do I get a gold star?!" :) My friends John and Shannon are getting married this summer in Montana. Jason and I are going to head out there. I cannot wait! I haven't been to Montana since I lived there as a child. I'm curious to see what it looks like with 30 year old eyes vs the 4 year old eyes that I had at the time.

"Calispell your looking swell! Oooooooo"